30 June 2010

England players bare defeat.

No, we don’t mean bear, that is not a typing error and we shall explain why. Sadly as you will know, unless you live in a box cut off from communications by the outside world, the England football team has crashed out of the World Cup following a 4-1 spanking from arch rivals Germany. They flew home to an empty airport with no fans to offer a consoling shoulder, most feeling that they were rather let down by their national team. So in that respect they did in fact bear defeat, however bare fits more with this story.

Whilst staying at the team hotel, the Royal Bafokeng Sports Campus, a salubrious five star resort, the players fell foul to theft. It is not known which players were victim to the thieves however five hotel staff have since been arrested and convicted for the burglary that totaled £7000, and included items of designer men’s underwear. Finally you see the deliberate spelling mistake, and yes you are allowed to groan. It is unusual for such relatively low cost items to be stolen and police suspect the motive was more about the amount of money the items could be sold for, as genuine personal effects of the English squad.

You have to feel sorry for the lads, not only did they fail to lift high the World Cup, crashing out at such an early stage adding to the humiliation, but they had items stolen from a place that should have been safe for them. We are guessing they won’t be too concerned about the cost of their boxer shorts, but it isn’t nice for anyone to know that staff have been rifling through your personal belongings and makes us glad we choose camping holidays with no room service!

We have of course emailed the team to offer our services in replacing the team underwear, as the range of designer underwear for men on offer currently really is stunning, and we’re sure we could find trunks to tickle Rooney’s taste, boxer shorts to impress Cole and perhaps a cheeky pair of briefs for Defoe. Maybe we should be ringing Coleen and the other WAG’s to see what they prefer their fellas in; we do wonder whether they are in charge of the smalls drawer like so many ladies out there. Whatever these premiership and national stars choose to pop on under their team shorts we are sure we can offer a suitable replacement, it’s just a shame we can’t help them with their defending. We are considering avoiding all the black and silver undies on offer as this might be a little bit too close to the colours worn by Germany, and wonder if they are going to be patriotic in red and white. We suspect they have probably seen enough of the England flag to last them another 4 years and that they just want to slope back to normal life feeling rather subdued and fed up, so perhaps we shall offer them something in blue, yellow or green, one of Calvin Klein’s summer set may help lift their mood.

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